Color Me Lame - in other news, my dreams!

I am lame. Lamy Lamerson, as my friends Paula and Pam would say. I've just pissed away my summer, accomplishing nothing in particular, and have neglected to update my blog for the whopping 2 people who ever bothered to read it (haha, if I'm lucky!). So, here I am, tail between my legs, begging for your mercy and pleading for you to come back!!!

I promise to visit more often and update you all on my adventures and/or escapades - real and/or imagined.

So. Here we go. I have dreams, often, and in full color. They are always entertaining, often mildly disturbing, and always - ALWAYS - more incomprehensible than watching The Big Lebowski tripping ballz on 2 very potent 'Special' brownies, (true story).

I wish I could remember them better. I keep a notepad by my bed, so I can write them down when I wake up, but then I forget to and their vividness fades as the day(s) wear on. But, I can summerize a couple of them for you! Yay, partial lucidity ROCKS!

Last night/this morning, I had a dream that Samsung and Aztec (not a real brand, but hey, dammit, it's MY dream) 60" tv's were exploding and killing people. It was awful, severely burned and twisted bodies everywhere I looked, dismembered limbs strewn about, cries of fear and excruciating pain... one of the more somber and fucked up dreams. Who knew tv was such a killer. Maybe my subconscious was trying to drive home the fact that I sit on my ass way too much in front of the boob tube.

Hmmm... anyone know a world class dream interpreter? I think I need professional help.

Another dream - oldie but goodie. This one is from a couple of years ago, but man, it sticks with me like a bad case of the clap. Uh, yeah... Anyhoo... It's a little disjointed, because it's been so long, but, here we go: I was in one of those big vanilla mega malls, and happened upon an arcade. I love arcades. I'm a child of the '80's, I may as well have suckled at the grainy teat of the Atari 2600 for all it matters, but I digress.

In the corner was this giant red metal box, with a black curtain across what I presumed to be the entry point. Kind of looked like a photo booth, but it was a 'game'. I peeked behind the curtain, and just about shit my pants. Somehow, and only the darkest recesses of my brain knows how, the creator of this 'box' had figured out how to cram 4 different midway rides in to this relatively small contraption and stuff it in the corner of an arcade. I recall a ride similar to the Zipper, and one like the Octopus (of course, depends upon what midway you are at, these names may differ), and I think there was a roller coaster. Mildly amused, and probably more than a bit in shock, I stepped back and eyed the box with disdain... wtf? How did they do that??? Then, I noticed it. Shiny surfaces glinting in the harsh glow of Galaga, Frogger, and Burger Time (gawd, I LOVED that game), and pieces of paper?! - money, money, mo money. The coin/dollar slot was busted on this machine, coins and bills were right there, bursting forth from their holds like DD's crammed in to a B-cup. So, I helped myself, I stuffed my pockets - all of them - to capacity and slinked out of the arcade. Had anyone noticed my heist? Am I a bad person? I wonder if there's an Orange Julius around here?

I find my way to the mezzanine of the super-giganto-mall and am confident I have just pulled off a great and daring feat. I shuffle about the corridors of the mall, lazily ambling to and fro; strolling, sauntering, meandering - I am one slick cat.

Then I notice him. Them, really. Men in black. Like the Secret Service, or FBI, or those hipster wannabes you run in to at the Independent on Thursday nights. In any case, they are quite unsettling. I think they're watching me - wait, me? No way. I just ripped off some dinky little arcade, for, like, $40 or something. Not like it's a federal offense. Is it? Oh shit, maybe it is. Damn it... I am sorry, but a Strawberry Sensation Smoothie is NOT worth this.

So, like in the movies, I start walking faster, peek over my shoulder and discover they are walking faster, AND converging upon ME. Oh God, they are after me. A little faster... they're surrounding me!! Then, it's too late. I hadn't noticed the one behind me, until he was right next to me. His right hand on my shoulder, and left thumb up my butt, saying, "Ma'am, you're going to have to come with us."

Seriously. What the hell is that about?